By Mathew — 13 Aug 2024

Recraft-

Introduction: The Quiet Crisis

For decades, a troubling trend has been developing beneath the surface of American society. While women have made tremendous strides in education, economic independence, and social status, men—particularly working-class men—have been falling behind. What makes this crisis particularly insidious is that it hasn't emerged from deliberate action but rather from what Richard Reeves calls "sins of omission."

"The political class as a whole has fundamentally failed to recognize the real problems of boys and men," Reeves explains. "It's more an accumulated set of sins of omission. It's the neglect and the failure to address what were obvious, growing, and real problems facing boys and men that has allowed them to deepen and fester."

This neglect has created a cascade of consequences that extends from education to employment, from mental health to family formation, leaving an entire generation of men without a clear purpose or sense of value in society.

The Education Gap: Boys Left Behind

One of the most alarming aspects of the crisis is the growing gender gap in education, where boys are falling behind at every level from pre-kindergarten through graduate school:

In the average U.S. school district, boys are nearly a grade level behind in English and literacy
Among the top 10% of high school students (measured by GPA), two-thirds are girls and only one-third are boys
Among the bottom 10% of students, two-thirds are boys
College campuses now have a 60-40 female-to-male ratio
Since 2010, college enrollments have dropped by 1.2 million students—and of that decrease, 1 million are men

"We've reversed the old gender gap and then widened it," notes Reeves. "Women are about 16 percentage points more likely now to get a college degree than men, whereas in the 1970s men were 13 percentage points more likely to get a college degree than women."

The disparity is even more pronounced in specific demographics. Reeves shares a startling data point from his unpublished research: "There are actually fewer Black men going to historically Black colleges today than there were in 1976. And there are as many non-Black students going to historically Black colleges as there are Black men."

Economic Stagnation and Employment Decline

The challenges continue into the economic sphere, where many men are experiencing:

Stagnating wages in the middle and lower parts of the income distribution
Declining labor force participation (men today are less likely to work than their fathers were)
Fewer opportunities in traditional male-dominated industries due to automation and globalization

This economic decline has created a feedback loop of disengagement. As men struggle financially, they become less attractive as potential partners and parents, further diminishing their sense of purpose and connection to society.

The Family Revolution: Men Without Roles

Perhaps the most profound change has occurred in family structures, where traditional male roles have been upended without clear alternatives emerging:

"For most people who don't have a four-year college degree, the norm is now for children to be born outside marriage," Reeves explains. "That's a transformation. We only have to go back two or three decades when that wasn't the case."

This dramatic shift in family formation has left many men uncertain about their role in society. While women's scripts have expanded to include both traditional and modern roles, men's traditional scripts have been torn up without replacement.

"We've expanded the script for women. We've said, let's tear this old script of wife and mother and replace it with a new script of 'you can be whatever you want to be.' That has just been wonderful to watch," Reeves observes. "But we've torn up the old male script—protector, provider, breadwinner—and we've replaced it with absolutely nothing. There is no new script, there is no new role."

Zero-Sum Thinking: The Masculinity Misunderstanding

A critical problem in addressing these issues is the prevalence of zero-sum thinking about gender. Too often, the advancement of women is framed as necessarily coming at the expense of men, or vice versa.

"I think there's been this dangerous trend in some quarters to say that somehow for women to rise and expand, men need to fall or contract—that men need to become less in order for women to become more," Reeves argues.

This framing has created a problematic dynamic where men are often told what not to be (don't be toxic, don't mansplain, don't take up too much space) without being given a positive vision of what to be.

"Young men will say to me, 'I've been told a lot about the things I shouldn't do and the things I shouldn't say.' They've effectively been given a long list of don'ts—don't say this, don't do that, don't think this, don't be like that. It's a long list, largely negative, with really no dos," Reeves explains. "If their own sense of themselves as boys and men is defined largely in negative terms, that leaves them really underpowered, really risk-averse, really uncertain about how to engage."

The conversation turns to a key philosophical question: To what extent should society actively intervene to correct gender imbalances, versus allowing natural preferences to express themselves?

Tom Bilyeu expresses concern about top-down social engineering: "When you try to top-down manipulate a system through incentives, you will get second and third order consequences that are very surprising and often horrific."

Reeves offers a nuanced perspective, suggesting that intervention should be considered when there's strong evidence of artificial barriers preventing people from expressing their natural preferences. He points to research suggesting that in countries with the highest levels of gender equality (like Scandinavia), gender differences in occupational choices sometimes become more pronounced, not less—the so-called "gender-equality paradox."

"If women in Sweden are choosing not to go into engineering, it's not because they're being discriminated against or being discouraged from becoming engineers. It's because they don't want to be engineers," Reeves explains. "That's a point at which you can kind of chill a little bit and not say everything has to be 50/50."

Both agree that representation matters, but disagree on the appropriate mechanisms to achieve it. Bilyeu favors storytelling and cultural shifts that happen organically, while Reeves acknowledges value in some forms of "tinkering" with incentives in specific contexts.

The Positive Vision: What Does Healthy Masculinity Look Like?

Amid discussion of problems, Reeves articulates elements of a positive vision for masculinity:

"Male friendships work in a particular way—the banter, the way we lovingly lay into each other, I think that's beautiful. Some of the physicality of being male is great. I've loved sports and that sense of physical adventure."

He continues: "Male sexuality and sex drive, which is one of the big differences—obviously channeled appropriately, all the usual caveats—I think it's great. It's kind of great to be interested in sex and it's great to have desire."

Reeves describes how he raised his three sons with a principle that captures healthy masculinity: "I've tried to raise them to have the courage to ask a girl out, the grace to accept no for an answer—there's no entitlement there—and the responsibility to make sure, either way, she gets home safely."

This formulation acknowledges innate male drives while channeling them toward responsibility and respect—the integration of strength and consideration that defines mature masculinity.

The Technology Factor: Video Games, AI, and Sex Robots

The conversation takes a provocative turn when discussing how technology has influenced male disengagement. Reeves notes that as more young men have found themselves without clear roles or purpose, video games and pornography have provided escape valves.

"As we've seen more and more men at a loose end or without a clear role, you would have predicted that we'd see a massive rise in crime and antisocial behavior, but the opposite has happened," Reeves observes. "I think part of that is because of games. They've had somewhere else to go, somewhere else quite attractive and quite enticing."

Looking to the future, they discuss the potential impact of AI companions and sex robots, with Bilyeu suggesting these technologies might provide a solution to the evolutionary problem of "surplus men." Historically, approximately twice as many women as men have reproduced throughout human history.

While reluctant to fully engage with the topic, Reeves cautions: "If we do end up with massive demand for artificial forms of intimacy including sex, but more generally, we should treat that very seriously as a symptom of a lack of human flourishing."

Cultural and Political Responses

When asked about current political responses to these issues, Reeves expresses disappointment with both major parties. Neither Republicans nor Democrats have meaningfully addressed the challenges facing boys and men:

"The Democrats are running on a very pro-woman agenda, not least around reproductive rights. Meanwhile, there has been a move among men—young men, also Black and Hispanic men—to the Republicans... But when it comes to policy, there's just nothing on either side."

He points to the irony that the bipartisan infrastructure bill, which disproportionately benefited working-class men through construction and transit jobs, was opposed by many Republican politicians who claim to champion these men, while Democrats who supported the bill avoided highlighting its benefits for men.

More progress is happening at the state level, where governors from both parties are establishing commissions and initiatives focused on the well-being of boys and men.

Conclusion: Rising Together

Despite the challenges, Reeves sees signs of progress in how society is beginning to recognize and address the struggles of men and boys:

"The ground is moving here. People are perfectly willing to have a conversation about boys and men. I wrote about it and everyone said 'be careful,' but now I've created a whole new Institute—the American Institute for Boys and Men—and initially people were not sure about that, but now they're like, 'Yeah, sure, fine.' It's becoming boringly normal."

The key insight emerging from the conversation is that gender progress must be non-zero-sum—men and women need to rise together rather than at each other's expense:

"We have to rise together, and we have to see that women have a vested interest in male flourishing and vice versa," Reeves emphasizes. "I think the ice is really breaking around this. I think people are over the zero-sum game and they're ready for a conversation which says if there is someone struggling to flourish, that is a massive problem."

Key Points:

Boys and men are falling behind in education at every level, from elementary school through higher education, with college campuses now about 60% female.
The traditional male script of protector and provider has been dismantled without a positive replacement, leaving many men without a clear sense of purpose or identity.
Men's struggles should be viewed not as opposition to women's progress but as part of an integrated approach to gender equality where everyone rises together.
Social engineering approaches to gender balance often create unintended consequences; cultural storytelling and organic shifts may be more effective than top-down policies.
A positive vision of masculinity embraces traditionally male attributes while channeling them toward responsible, respectful behavior.
Technology (video games, social media, and potentially AI companions) has provided escape valves for disengaged men but may mask deeper problems of social disconnection.
The political establishment has largely failed to recognize or address the challenges facing boys and men, with more progress happening at state and local levels than nationally.

"How The US Destroyed Men's Futures." - DEI, Population Collapse, Gen Z Men | Richard Reeves
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kra4ZpBYy3Q